Hopes We Never Let Die
by SmearedLipGloss
Summary: The gin and tonic was gone, but she was still there. She always would be. NB, with slight CB and SCa.


There could be roses and candles. There could be silk and lace. There could be apologies and promises. But all there is in front of the two is a broken future holding nothing but their forever intertwined fates. They were always meant to be together, never apart. But now, their choices mince them to oblivion, sending them into abyss. He drinks his sweet wine and she takes the bitter pills. She ruins her marriage and he sleeps with every girl in the city, stomping on their hearts. They choose to let their lives go to waste and kill themselves slowly and painfully. It's the way they have taught each other. So now their inescapable fates bring them together once more to bring them to the surface, wanting them to bob on the surface together and float off, together.

She sits on the beach at midnight basking in the freedom of loneliness and silence. The waves flow gently over her painted toes and she spreads her fingers in the cool sand. Her clothes will be filthy and she will have sand in her hair but for now she doesn't care. She just doesn't want to give a shit anymore.

He watches her from afar on the beach. Her hands gliding gently over the sand and her feet are glistening with the sheer salt water washing over them. She looks like something of a sort of angel. Soft curls are being blown into her face and all he wants is to brush them away with his callused fingers and kiss the spots where the tendrils had touched. He longed so badly for her, for her scent, for her voice, for her touch.

She managed to escape the horribly boring rehearsal dinner of Serena and Carter and all their little pecks and convenient hugs in front of Lily. She managed to have her light dinner and still keep it down with all the smothering that was occurring around her. She carried out the bottle of champagne with her down the shore and sat there just waiting for someone to notice she had left. She assumed it had been thirty minutes and still no one has come padding along to beach to search her out.

He had been distracted with her all night, her slight snarl whenever a couple had shared a kiss. The way the smell of her hair products and perfume had somehow made it over to his table and filled his lungs with her; her casual laugh at someone who was trying to hit on her. She was quite the lady to watch for the night. He saw her glare at Serena before lunging to the bar to grad the gold labeled bottle and stroll on to the beach barefooted and alone. He left the irritating red head next to him and walked down to the chairs on the beach waiting for her to notice someone had been following her.

She finds it ironic that Serena is the first to find love. Serena's whole life had been spent on partying and not caring and giving boys too much of herself. But now she has found a man who loves her dearly and tells her that everyday. Whereas she spent her entire life hiding herself away for one man she hoped to find and gave boys nothing that they didn't deserve and all she got was a husband in absence and an ex-boyfriend who somehow always knows how to make her smile. Serena didn't try for her love and she got it all. Blair grasped with her fingers to hold onto a bit of truth and all she got was lies.

Nate finds it funny how he didn't get the girl. He was the golden boy, the one who got everything. He was supposed to have the life: the money, the future, the girl. And now all he got was desperate girls clinging to him and holding him down to what they wanted. His best friend got the girl in the end. After sleazily plotting to win her over, he slithered his way back into her life and managed to take a bite of her heart and kept it lodged within him forever. Chuck Bass was the ugly frog and Nate Archibald the handsome prince, but somehow in the end the frog kissed the princess and they fell in love.

So now Serena is the one to get married and have the blissful happiness that Blair has always yearned for. She sits on the beach by herself and waits for a big wave to take her under and wash her up to another shore, another place, another life; she wants to hold a warm hand and feel it pulsate through her body. She seizes the sand in her hand and lets it fall through the gaps in her fingers, enjoying the revelry of something slipping through her hands and not caring.

Nate makes it closer and closer to her without choice. His feet just lead him there and he meanders down the beach toward her. Suddenly, unknowingly, he's just standing behind her looking at the top of her scalp. Her head is still facing the sea and he wonders if he is really behind her or just imagining it.

She feels a presence behind her and for moments she chooses to ignore it and wait for them to speak. She tries to decipher the foot steps but the tide and her thoughts rush them out. She tries to conjure the smell but all there is in her nostrils is the sweet smell of salt. Only when they speak does she figure who this figure is.

"Hey." It's simple, too simple. He knows this, but suddenly all his made up speeches and thoughts blur and he knows to say nothing. Her body is still turned away from him and the fabric on her dress is slowly making it up her shins to reveal the tanned skin he so longs to touch glistens in the dim moonlight.

His voice echoes in her head after he repeats 'hey' again. She can hear him clearly and can smell the clean smelling of his deodorant and his L'Occainte soap lingering on his skin. His voice rings so clear and soft in her eyes that she closes her eyes to fully take hold of something she hasn't heard in so long. She replies strongly over the waves, not letting her see her falter.

Her response is less than satisfactory to him since she has yet to turn around. But her body shakes in the wind when a rush of chills runs over her and it's an excuse to get closer and offer her his jackets. A familiar scene flows through his mind involving a sad girl, a lost boy, and two ready to make it right in the wrong place and time. It's all so ironic how their entire relationship is a cycle of the same events over and over and over and they just never stop and never falter in the way they occur.

She's aware he's sitting next to her and ready to put his jacket over her arms since she is sure that he noticed her having the chills. He was always caring and doting even when she didn't like him to be. He held her when she cried, he held her hair when she put her coat on, he called her every year at midnight (except once) to wish her happy birthday. No matter what the circumstances were he was there to help her, saver her, be there for her. And every time she ignored it.

Nate sits down beside and follows her gaze to the ocean, watching the waves continually roll over each stone in the water. In his hand he crushes a delicate shell, mulling over what he could possibly say to this girl. He deciphers every word possible before asking her a question. "How have you been?"

His question makes her laugh for some odd reason and not just a giggle, a full on hysterics. He's looking at her quizzically, but she doesn't care. She throws her head back before she composes herself and looks over at him for the first time tonight. "How have I been? Well, Nate, I don't know. If you had been there maybe you would have known."

He's not confused by her rudeness, but the disdain still stings him. She's a hardened girl. Well, she always a bit tougher but there was always something so fragile and delicate about her. Now she's all broken edges and rough surfaces. He doesn't want to fight with her tonight so he doesn't make any response to her little snide comment. He lets it go and puts on his poker face.

She anticipated some sort of response from him, but all she got was a blank face, not even a head turn toward her. She wanted him to go against her and fight against everything she says, make himself seem like he's worth something (everything) to her.

They don't talk for a while, reeling in each others thoughts and taking in the place around them even though they've been here too many times. He lays back and gazes to the stars, making sure not to stare at Blair's soft hair and smooth back; it's too tempting for him. She looks over her shoulder at him laying there in the cool sand and takes a big sigh before lying down next to him. In the morning she'll have remains of sand in her hair and she'll have to condition extra to remove the little grains but right now it feels so good to lie there and feel the chill of the morsels on her back and the scent of Nate lingering so close to her.

He's not sure if it was the vodka tonics that went to his head or just the security of not knowing what would happen next, but he doesn't remember what happened for the next four hours. He's not even sure if they talked. They only thing he remembers is her hand ever so slowly making its way to his chest and having it rest there with her head on his shoulder and loose hairs tickling his cheek. He remembers wetness on his chest, but he chose not to point out that he noticed it to her. He remembers her dress somehow getting higher and higher on her legs till it was just below her lace and silk panties that he could barely make out the feeling of them on his fingers. He remembers her looking up at him at some times making faces he couldn't quite decipher. And he remembers her kissing him at the end before he left to go back to the reception. It was passionate or aggressive, it wasn't long and fiery. It was just a lasting kiss onto his cheek where he felt her lip gloss slide and her eye lashes momentarily brushed onto his own.

"_It's time to get back to the party." She stepped back from his face._

"_Yeah, I guess" Nate answered back still stuttering from her touch._

"_Nate?" She looked over at him again. Her eyes quickly went to the ground contemplating her next move._

"_Yeah?"_

"_Never mind." _

As he was walking back to his room at the resort he stopped at the bar once more to order a gin and tonic and as he was letting the drink slide down his throat he could swear he could taste her on his lips and feel her laughter in his ears. He looked up and all he saw an empty row of chairs and a bartender in a green shirt with gold labeling on his chest. The gin and tonic was gone, but she was still there. She always would be.


End file.
